November 2010

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November 2010

Post  Fircoal on Fri Oct 01, 2010 9:36 pm

It was a boring day, a very boring day. The impatient and silleh vee, Salyu did not have much to do. Somehow she found herself slouched on th ecouch flipping through a newspaper, of all things. She looked dressed as if she just had gotten out of bed, and she yawned about very two or three seaconds. Next to her was Syane who was waching a show on the TV called Hershey Shore, where this chocolate man with a douchy haircut tried to sex up women but failed very hard at it.
"Don't you have something better to read?" Syane asked her friend wondering how she could entertain herself with just a boring manuscript.
"Nop," the Vee quickly responding in between yawns not even looking at her friend.
"But isn't that boring?" her friend questioned.
Salyu just nodded slowed and responded. "Everything is boring, I have nothing to do! At least this'll hopefully put me to bed."
"It's 2 in the afternoon," Syane responded with a curious look at her friend.
"Well I don't give a @$#%," Salyu responded before going back into a fit of yawns.
Syane rolled her eyes at her friend and went back to watching her TV show which she admitted to herself would probably be as boring as Salyu's newspaper had she been able to read.
So the two sat there drowning in their boredom when suddenly Salyu jumped up like Buizel when Salyu poked his butt with a hot branding spike. She piled right onto Syane and started bouncing up and down on top of her. "What aer you doing!?" Syane quickly asked shoving her friend off of her.
"Syane!!!!!"
"What?"
"LOOOOOOOOOOOOK!!!!!!"
The Sandshrew raised an eyebrow and looked all around the room trying to find what Salyu was referencing but she found nothing. "What are you talking about?" Syane asked.
"LOOK!!!!" The Eevee repeated shoving her face and the newspaper into Syane's.
"You know I can't read!" the Sandshrew protested.
"It's an election slash Debate!!!" the Eevee shouted in excitement.
"What does that matter?" Syane asked confused why her friend would be so excited about something political like that.
"They're letting anyone run!!!" the Vee noted.
"Letting anyone run. What?"
"Yes anyone!!!"
Syane quickly shifted her eyes away form the Vee. Somehow she knew where this was going. "And why is this important to you?" she asked her friend.
"I wanna run!" Salyu asked before jumping on Syane again and playing bounce.
"Why would you wanna run?" her friend asked Salyu.
Salyu quickly stopped jumping on Syane and took a very proper pose. "I would like to run because I'm chalk full of ideas that will make this government and world a greater place to live in. For too long have the two same parties dominated congress. It's time Fox News and the National League of Chickens were voted out of government. I will stand for real change, not the type that, that Muslim guy did. I'll bring the type of change that we haven't had in a very long time. That is the type of change that I stand for!"
Syane considered her friends monologue and shrugged. "I guess it could work," the Sandshrew replied.
And thusly it was decided, Salyu quickly dressed up in her all American top hat, her flag shirt and skirt complete with 5 flag pins, flag buttons, and wore her flag flip-flops, and darted out right after painting her Vee tail red, white and blue. She seized Syane's hand and quickly dragged her along to the debate hall.

The debate hall was small and empty, it could fit 500 Pokemon but it seemed that it was only half full. The Pokemons there were well prepared carrying very large signs. Salyu glanced at a couple of them as she came in: "Obama is a socialist, and Hitler", "No taxation without representation - signed by the top 20% of wealth", and the most insane of all, "I love Glenn Beck". Salyu quickly turned away from these posters and sat down and listened to the debate as it was going on. On the stage there were three Pokemon, on the very right was a Donphan literally wrapped in an American flag. He had gray short hair and wrinkles that were bigger than a wrinkle in time. Right next to him was a Ponyta that looked more like a Donkeyta than anything. He also had gray short hair but he was dressed in full blue instead of the flag. All the way to the left of the stage was a familiar face, the young small Vee named Myukou. She wore a causal summer dress and stared out towards the audience with eyes of love.
"Our next question is about lobbyists," the moderator asked. "What would you do to ensure that lobbyists are able to continue their tainting of government."
"I would set up a direct process that would allow the lobbyists that are the most Christian and pay the most money to get any bills they wish enacted," said the Donphan. The audience cheered loudly at this and gave him a couple of dog hound calls.
"I would continue with whatever we have now," the Donkeyta answered. Many others cheered at this one and stuck their tongues out at those that cheered before.
"I would listen to the needs of the people," Myukou said. "I would stop the lobbyists from taking over government and let the bills being passed be best for the people. I would never sacrifice the people for the needs of big business.
The audience quickly jolted up at this and waved their posters in the air chanting "Hitler!" "I bet she'd burn all the Jews if someone told her too," one remarked.
The Eevee just looked back at the audience unsure but unjudging of their reaction. She just sat there quietly and endured the grilling.
"What would you do to make sure that Christianity is promoted in the United States?" the moderator asked next.
"I would make it required to practice and have it be taught in all schools. DEATH TO EVOLUTION AND OTHER RELIGIONS!!!" The Donphan shouted.
Quickly the crowd rose to their feet and clapped like a pack of wild gorillas. In response to this the Donkeyta got up and exclaimed, "that's too obvious, all we have to push Christianity subtlety and try to keep our ranks as Christian as possible."
A few in the crowd continued to clap but most of them sat down at this point. Myukou sighed and gave her response, "All religions should be treated as equal. Everyone has their own right to believe no matter what it is."
The crowd rose once again armed with their posters, chanting "Hitler!" over and over again. "I bet you'd even let the Jews stay Jews!" one Christian remarked.
Myukou sighed and quietly waited for their grilling to end before the moderator asked his next question. "What about big business, due to the recession they have not been reaching record high profits anymore. How would you rectify it?"
"I will cut their taxes to make sure that they can yet again break record profit numbers. In order to balance this I will take away money from the poor people. We all know that they're getting too many cut backs right now. It's just not fair for the rich that the poor have to pay significantly less taxes," The Donphan told the crowd.
"It would be ridiculous to cut their taxes at a time like this," the Donkeyta replied. "However it seems to be the lonely solution to this problem."
Myukou shook her head. "The big businesses already have tons of tax breaks. There is no reason why someone should have tens of millions of dollars while another man is struggling to get dinner for the week. I say that we tax the richest people and give their money to the poor. It would only be what's fair."
Once she finished her sentence the public quickly got up and started shouting violent obesities. They quickly brought up their posters and had a large chant of Hitler, comparing every little action that she took to Hitler. It wasn't long until a part of the crowd picked up tea posts and started chucking them at the little Eevee.
Right when she saw this she knew that the gig was up. These townspeople wouldn't listen to her and now she had to run for her life. Quickly she got up and ran out of the building barely getting out of the way of a million teapots from the sky. Once she left the building the people high-fived each other and shouted, "Yea we showed that socialist who's boss!" to each other. They all smirked and put down their posters and began to listen once again.
Salyu who had been half listening this whole time saw the empty seat and quickly saw it as her chance. With no time to spare she jolted for the seat and jumped on top of it and faced the audience. "Ladies and Gentlemen!" she shouted at the top of her lungs. Soon all of the audience turned their heads to face the Eevee. They looked at her curiously wondering how she got there and why she even was there. "Don't be fooled by the lies that these candidates tell you. They may give out ideas that are appealing to you, and they may tell you exactly what you want to hear, but will they do it? No! Besides matters like eco-nom-ics matter little compared to another epidemic that is sweeping our nation. What I'm talking about is Buizels."
When a certain orange and furry creature with bangs that hung over one of his eyes named Gale heard this he quickly perked his ears and eyes up. He looked straight out on the stage to notice Salyu standing on the chair making random vibrant arm motion. He quickly thought to himself, "Oh no... What is she up to this time?" and looked up to hear the rest of her speech.
"These orange and furry creatures are destroying everything that we love about this great nation called America. These horrible creatures are taking our jobs, they're acting different from us and worse of all they go BUI!!!!! Do you think we can let them live freely like they are right now. They are a menace to progress. They are silleh! They are annoying! They are EVAL!!!! Vote me and I'll make sure that Buizels are treated just like how they should be under the law. Remember what our forefathers said, 'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all Buizels were created eval.' Thank you." She then stepped down from the chair and gave a bow. Quickly the crowd rose up and gave an arousing clap like one they had never given before. They clapped and clapped and clapped; it never stopped. The Buizel with his bang over his eye was forced to just sit there and stare at Salyu in utter shock at what she just said. He knew that she liked to torture Buizels but this was just insane.
It was a minute into the uproar in which finally the Buizel did something for itself. It slowly got out of its seat and angrily stomped to the front of the stage. It walked right up to Salyu and shouted in her ear, "What do you think you're doing?"
"I'm starting a national revolution of Buizel abuse!" the Vee whispered back to her friend.
"Why would you do that?" the Buizel asked apauled.
"It's fun!" the Vee responded before rapidly poking the Buizel's nose, which made it cutely squeal in terror.
Once the uproar started to die down the two Pokemon saw that this charismatic Eevee had a very good point. What matters about the recession when there are Buizels running afoot? Even more important than the Buizel's themselves were the audiences’ opinions on it. Both cold hard eyes turned green and their grins turned wide. They could exploit this, if they wanted Buizels to be abused, they would get Buizel abuse. What did a couple of Buizels matter when their seat and payroll was on the line?
"My dear friends!" the Donkeyta shouted, "Can you listen to this girl? She has a point about the evalness of Buizels, but I don't think she's doing enough. She asks for them only be to be abused and treated as second-class. Aren't there already many poor people that are treated as second-class? It would be too light of a punishment for the evalness that the Buizels have put us through. We must treat all Buizels as if they're illegals even if they are legally here in this nation. We will force them to have IDs and when any police officer sees them here, if they do not respond in the right way we'll deport them back out to the hell in which they came from."
The crowd cheered at this idea but the Donphan shook his head. "Are you listening to him? He says the girl does not go far enough but he is blind to see that he is too doing the same. Buizels are the absolute scum of our nation. They are a menace and should be treated as such. I will make sure that they only have two opinions, one to work under us real Pokemon for all eternity, and the other to die by our cold red bullets!"
The crowd instantly burst into large chants. There truly could not be a better idea than this. Genocide of the whole Buizel species, it was as if a dream had come true. The audience quickly rushed up to the Donphan and lifted him with all their might. They rushed him outside to the light and held him high to the sky. They chanted. "Adolph Thatcher is our savoir! He will keep our country pure of the eval that is Buizels. He is our savoir!"
The white light shined down onto him and the sun gave its smile. His eyes glowed a brilliant green that shone all around. The whole town stood around the Donphan that they never knew, chanting: "He is our savoir" "He is our savoir".

The next day Salyu and Syane were lazing around the house just like they did the day before. "I can't believe he took my idea!" Salyu shouted angry. It was her idea and she should have been elected on it.
In the middle of one of her rants a bald mew in a baseball cap appeared in front of her. "Hey have you heard about the results of the election?"
"Yes I have!" the Eevee pouted crossing her arms and groaning.
"Don't feel so down," Niyu told her Eevee cousin. "You would have lost even if he didn't steal your idea."
"What makes you say that?" questioned the Eevee looking away from her enemy.
"I work at the polling booths, it's all rigged anyway. He had no chance to lose," the Mew gave a smirk smile. "I mean he is the one who will let my country do as I wish, so of course he's the best choice. I mean do you think it matters what you guys think? It's all about me and the rest of us in power." The Mew gave Salyu a wink and quickly teleported away.
"Stupid Fox News party," the Vee cursed before taking entertainment out of poking the nose of a Buizel doll.
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Fircoal
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